On Hiatus Part II....For Real This Time!

 This has been a week of disappointment for me.  All around I have watched the powerful oppress the weak.....the rich exploit the poor.....the bullies beating down the meek......the few humble trampled by the conceited masses.  


I keep trying to figure out what my place is in all this?  I spent so much of last week talking about, writing about, and posting about the elections and the Amendment, and now I can't help but feel exhausted by all of it.  And I am not without recognition that I am definitely not the hurt and abused in all this.  


Even in professional and personal situations, I am constantly plagued by the hateful actions of others.  How is it that people feel justified in the things they do?  I know people say this all the time, but really, how do people sleep at night?  


I'm not giving up the fight any more than anyone else, but I do think I'm taking a break from it.  I'm starting to feel that pulled under the tide feeling of helplessness, and to be honest, I just can't function in that head space right now.  


I think I'm going to do a very selfish thing for the next few weeks and concentrate on the people and events that matter to me: my son, my husband to be, my wedding and myself.  I can't fix the world in the next 5 weeks and I'm not going to try.  Let me just for once try my hand at the luxuriousness of self-involvement.  It seems to work well for many....why not me?


Love to all my loyal readers.....don't give up the fight but take your break when you need it too.....sometimes we all need to move to the back of the infantry line.....just for a while.


And no, I'm not a Tolkien fan really.  But I think this says it all......

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

J.R.R. Tolkien The Fellowship of the Ring

On Hiatus.....

My brain is taking a vacation from all of this.  I'm going to YouTube to watch videos of puppies and babies.  I suggest you do the same.

Time of return?

T.B.D.

Disappointed, Not Delusional

Well, like a lot of folks, I'm obviously disappointed.  I am heartbroken for the activists that worked hard to defeat this amendment, but I am especially heartbroken for the families who it will affect. 

I am reconciled with the heartfelt belief that issues like this will all be made right in the near future.  I really do believe that.  Discrimination and bigotry may live in the hearts and minds of many forever.  However, the laws that protect carrying out such feelings will not.  There will come a day when archaic laws of the past will be overturned.

In the meantime, if you are in a domestic partnership, either same or opposite sex, I would urge you to seek out protections.  I would talk with an attorney, financial planner, insurance and securities broker, clergy, etc to make sure you have any financial, child care, end-of-life wishes, etc needs taken care of.  Also make your wishes and plans known to your family members and friends outside of your relationship.  If something happens to you or your partner, it would be important for more than just the two of you to know what you would have wanted.

Find out what is the best course of action for protecting your assets, custody of children, real estate, etc.  Talk to someone about wills, bank accounts, insurance policies and funeral arrangements. 

No, these are not fun conversations.  And yes, they need to be had.  Making your plans and protections solid and known may be the best defense against laws that can't help you. 

But above all, please remember this: even if the church or state says your marriage isn't recognized that doesn't mean you can't still be married.  Marriage is a covenant....a bond.....a promise between two people.  It is what you make it.  It is sacred if you make it so.  It is unbreakable if you keep it.  It is everlasting if you want it to be.  There is no god or president or politician that can change that.

Just ask any gay or lesbian couple that has been married for years.  They don't have a piece of paper today, and they may not ever.  But they don't really need one either.

And I will say this one thing to the so-called victors who pushed this amendment through.  Tonight as you celebrate your "victory" I must ask this question: just who you do you think you have defeated?  I'll tell you in case you don't know: good-hearted loving people who only want what you have and take for granted every day....the right to love and live as they so choose.....the right to privacy.....the right to respect.......the right to freedom.....the right to security......the right to live as a happy family.  You, the victors, have stomped on that tonight.  You have hung a banner across our great state that proclaims that you only care about people who are just like you.  If that makes you feel better, then....well.....there's not much hope for you.  Sweet dreams, good Christians, sweet dreams.

And for those that feel defeated, you're not.  This is one battle.  It's not the end of the war.  Don't give up.  Don't relent.  Keep fighting. 

Even though my life will be pretty much the same tomorrow, you can count on people like me to keep fighting with you. 

R.I.P. Maurice Sendak

"And now," cried Max, "let the wild rumpus start!"

 

One of the most memorable lines ever written in literature by one of the most gifted writers and illustrators of children's books.   

 

I don't think it's right to be very sad when a person who has lived a long and full life dies.  But I do think it's right to praise them, to miss them even if you didn't know them, and to pass on the joy they brought to you.

 

Thank you, Mr. Sendak.

"It's Not Gonna Do What All They Say......"

"It's not gonna do what all they say."

That's what the man told me that tried to talk me out of voting against Amendment 1 this morning.

He handed the card back to me and said "just think about it before you vote."

It was actually a very gentle way to change my mind.  No hate. No judgement.  Just a gentle plea.

And maybe it was because of that documentary E-Roc and I watched on Mr. Rogers last night (no kidding) or the fact that I actually knew this man from some years ago (the perils of living in the same place your whole life) that I was as kind to his gentle plea as he was in making it.

"Just think about it," he said softly.

"I feel very strong in my choice," I said with equal softness and waved the card away.  I wished him well, smiled and ran inside.

But here's the thing, I don't care if "it's not gonna do what all they say".  Maybe it won't cancel insurance.  Maybe it won't cancel protection orders.  Maybe it won't affect end of life decisions.

But it WILL continue to undermine and discriminate against families and allow the state to decide what is a family and what is not.  That is something it absolutely WILL DO.

And as kind as that elderly man was, his efforts and those of others like him are unacceptable to me.

Don't you accept it either.  Vote no.

Just Like You

I'll just be honest, and I don't care who it makes mad.

If you're a Generation Xer you should be voting against Amendment One in North Carolina tomorrow.

Don't tell me about your religion.  Don't tell me about your values.  Don't talk to me about God's Plan or Heaven and Hell.  Don't try to say it's just wrong.

Don't think any of these arguments will shut me up.

I don't even want to hear the further reaching arguments about violence protection orders or child health insurance.  I don't want to talk about how we define "family" and what "love" is.

None of that.

It's this simple.  It's 2012.  You should not want or allow the government to tell you who you can marry.  

You, as a kid, who grew up in the 80's and 90's should remember it wasn't that long ago when kids were afraid to come out and say if they were gay and afraid to tell their dads if they were dating a black guy.

How is that different?  Well, it's not.

If you will allow the government to say it's okay to regulate marriage then how do you know they won't try to say interracial marriage is also wrong?  Because by the way, it was only made legal in a few states just some short years ago.

And again, please don't bring up the argument about procreation when there are so many marriages that do not result in procreation.  That argument is shoddy and baseless.

This is about laws and rights and personal freedom.  You should not allow the government to control who you marry.

Inside the church, marriage is a covenant.  You can accept and believe all your church tells you.

Inside the state, marriage is a contract.  You pay money to the state for a license and the state recognizes that you are married.  I just paid $60 for this license.  It is a piece of paper that guarantees me certain protections by declaring who my husband is.  It is not a covenant with God.  It is a contract with the State of North Carolina.

Do the right thing tomorrow, Gen Xers.  You have gay friends, coworkers and acquaintances.  You know they're good people.  You know people in same-sex relationships.  They are working, paying bills, and raising children.  Just like you.  They are trying to have a good life.  Just like you.  They want love and peace and equality.  Just like you.

Don't take more of their freedom because they scare you.  They are just like you.

Just like you.

Current Spring Read!

For such a recent time in our history, it is very hard to find very many books about the Vietnam War.  I've always been interested because when I was growing up so many of my friends' fathers served in this war.  I was always grateful my father wasn't there.  And as I read this book, I still am.

R.I.P. MCA

Every time a childhood icon dies, I just feel a little bit smaller and a little bit older.

Incidentally, Little Boy loves singing "Hey, ladeeeees!  Get fonk-ay!" 

Baby, Just Say Yes.....

With the musical tastes you see typically see on this blog, I know you would not imagine that I like Taylor Swift.  But I do!  I think her songs are very sweet and very true to the way young girls feel in first love.  Besides that, I really like her positive unspoiled image.

Don't get me wrong.....I don't crank up the Swift and do my house cleaning on a Thursday night or cry over old photos.  Uh, no.  I don't think I even have any on my I-Pod.  But if I do hear her on the radio, I will turn it up and listen.

Case in point.......

I was sitting at a traffic light the other evening on my way home from work.  I've had some things on my mind lately that have made me worry and taken some of the joy away from my recent engagement.  But as I was sitting there listening to this song, E-Roc came pulling up to the opposite light.  This crossing of paths sometimes happens on our travels, and I always love the serendipity of it all.  He waved and then turned off on our road to home, and I felt full and happy listening to this song and the rush of knowing the path we're on with our lives together.   


I was once talking with a friend about how love songs aren't all written for 17 year-olds even though the radio would lead you to believe this.  But isn't it funny how sometimes the songs of younger women still know just how to encapsulate the feelings of much older, much more experienced women?  I have a friend who loves Adele and feels a true connection to her words and experiences in her songs.  Funny how there is probably a 20 year age difference between them but the feelings are still the same.  


Are we not as mature as we think we are or are these younger women wise beyond their years?  Who's to say, really?


But aside from all that, sometimes these young ladies just write really great tunes!  So there!

How Do You NOT Love Amy Krouse Rosenthal?

I casually mentioned a few posts back that I was enjoying Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.  But the truth is I am loving it.  I am finding eery coincidences between myself  and its author Amy Krouse Rosenthal.  In my head, I am casually writing entries that would be in my own Encyclopedia......

Driveway  I like to back out of my driveway and sit and admire my house before I leave for work in the morning.  It's especially enjoyable if my fiance' has just mowed the lawn.  I am annoyed if another driver comes along, forcing me to move forward before I am done in my silent reverie of admiration.

See also Fiance', House Pride.

IRL  A reference I make to people I know outside of the web.  Much to the annoyance of my fiance'.  

See also E-Roc, The Internets.

Yes, It Happened  A common quip in our household once a bad joke is made and usually made as soon as the joke is stated.  As in "Orange you going to put some oranges in your fruit salad?  Yes, it happened." 


See also Inside Jokes, E-Roc, Fiance'.


Fiance'  Since I became engaged I am thoroughly enjoying the use of the word "fiance" and am throwing it around as much as possible.


See also E-Roc, Seinfeld references, Maybe the Dingo Ate Your Baby.


An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge  A short story written in the late 1800's and one of the many weird things that could be referenced before my fiance and I go to sleep at night.


See also Reading, Our Weird Life, Fiance', Overuse of.


Seriously, folks.  I am late to that party on this book (like most things) but it is one of the cutest and most fun things I have read lately.  Don't check this out, buy it like I did.  You will want to go back to it again and again.  


And Amy, if you're actually reading this, first off please take imitation as the sincerest form of flattery.  And secondly, thanks for writing such a great book.  For what it's worth, I will be turning your catalog upside down now!

The Other Sly

Probably my best find at the library book sale this week was this one, which was one of my favorite books as a child.  Unfortunately, Little Boy hasn't allowed me to read it to him all weekend.  He has, however, carried it around quite a bit and leafed through it countless times.  

Why I Became Vegetarian Part II: The Lifestyle of Food

In the weeks and months leading up to my decision to give up meat, I kept having these episodes that were turning me off meat. One day I was eating a piece of thinly sliced deli ham when I suddenly had a vision of it being some kind of flesh that had literally been ripped from an animal. I don't know where that thought came from or why it entered my head at that moment, but all I knew was that I had to get that stuff out of my mouth before I vomited all over my kitchen. After that particular moment of revulsion, I started thinking about a few other times that this similar thought had come into my head. Where it had come from, I'm just not sure, but it was a very real and disgusted feeling at the thought of having meat from an animal in my mouth.

I was also realizing the smells and textures of meats were bothering me. E-Roc would bring home these delectable sandwiches and wraps from the deli, and I suddenly couldn't bear the smell of pork or salami. Or I would pretty much have to disassemble the sandwich and start again with the vegs and condiments only. What was happening to me?

I have never been one that had criticism for vegetarians or non-vegetarians. I felt that the herbivores must have had their reasons, either social or personal, and that was their prerogative. I also felt that carnivores had a good point too. Man has had dominion over animals all through evolutionary history and besides, he was born with those fantastically sharp incisors! He is supposed to eat meat!

But aside from the whole near-vomit episodes, I had really began thinking about my eating lifestyle. I considered the fact that while I do cook, I don't cook a lot of dishes that contain meat. For instance, I have many favorite pasta dishes that I like to make and none of them contain meat. I could do my weekly grocery shopping and the only meat I might come home with is lunch meat for sandwiches. Do I really need meat if I don't even buy it and cook it on a regular basis?

My coworker, Jenni, laughed at me because I don't know how to cook a whole turkey or chicken. How would I? I've never tried! And really at this point, why would I? I also don't own any sort of contraption that would allow deep-frying in my home. Again, why would I go through the trouble and mess of such a thing? I guess I just have always figured that if I wanted certain foods, like turkey and dressing (never made that either) or deep-fried okra (which Cracker Barrel is very good at) that I could just have it when I went out or was invited to someone's house for a meal.

Does that make me bad?

This took me back to the question I hinted at in Part I, do I really like certain foods or do I just think I'm supposed to like them? I don't really like turkey that much.....I couldn't tell you the last time I had any on a sandwich or with a side of dressing and gravy. How hard is it to give up something you never have? Every now and then I get a wild hair for some deep-fried fish which is so popular in my part of the country, but I bet you I don't eat that stuff more than 2 times a year. Again, how much will I really miss that?

I also keep thinking about how much I make time and energy I wrap up into food as a social activity more than just nourishment or vice versa. For instance, sometimes I think I'd like to go out to dinner with my man.....just for a fun night out of the house.....and then I find myself wrapping the whole evening up into where we will go and what I will choose to eat. Shouldn't I be eating to live and not the other way around? And on the flip side, when did it become a requirement that food should be tied to all bits of fun and entertainment? It's like I can't watch a movie without popcorn and sit on the deck without a drink. Should it really be that way?

With all of this swirling through my head, I keep thinking more and more that my decision for vegetarianism is right in so many more ways than I first realized. It's making me think about food and my relationship with it in an entirely different way. And maybe that's just what I needed. I've never wanted to be one of those people that wraps my whole life up into my diet, but maybe this will keep me from doing just that.

Maybe eating should just be eating and that's that.